Andreas Cancigous Blog

[…] Lesley wrote an interesting post today on Jewish Dating TipsHere’s a quick excerptAre you on a on-line site? Well, please put a picture up with your profile, one with you by yourself, it may be nice to have with your friends but then we have to figure out who you are. Your profile, try to be as detailed as possible, … […]

Online dating works. As the founder of ProfileHelper.com I’ve seen the majority of my clients go on to find friends, romance, and long-lasting love on dating sites. I even use Online dating as a means to meet new people myself. In a world where each new blue tooth headset and ipod makes us continuously more isolated, it only makes sense that people are reaching out more and more to meet people through the net. That being said, not all dating sites are created equal.

There’s three types of online dating sites out there. There’s the profile based sites (Match, JDate, FriendFinder, ChristianCafe), Social Networking (Myspace, Friendster, Facebook), and Matchmaking online dating sites (Eharmony, Chemistry, Great Expectations, ). For the most part, each one has its advantage. Personally, I’ll always lean towards the profile dating sites because they allow singles the most control over who they want to meet. The social Networking sites can be useful, but they are overrun with spammers and people just looking for one night stands. Besides, as I tell my clients, never join a site in search of a date that allows 14 year olds to set up profiles. There’s just something unsavory about that.

It’s the matchmaking sites that I have the hardest time with. Chemistry is still a new site. The verdict is still out on them for the moment. They are definitely one of the more accepting matchmaking sites and once they get their membership numbers up, it might just turn out to be ok. My main beef is with Eharmony. There hasn’t been a week that’s gone by since ProfileHelper was launched that I haven’t received an email or phone call from someone who complaining about Eharmony. They either went on the site and had a horrible experience, or even worse, they weren’t even allowed to join. People have actually called me in tears after seeing all the happy couples on the Eharmony ads and then not being allowed to join. They want to know why they weren’t good enough.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that nobody succeeds on Eharmony. If that was the case, who would be on all those commercials? I’m saying that the site is really built for only one kind of person (In my opinion).

Eharmony.com is built for people who want to settle down and are willing to settle to make it happen. They capture people with a strong marketing campaign and then get them emotionally invested after they spend two hours filling out the 300+ word profile. At that point, they decide if you are the type of person they want in their ranks. If you get in, you feel special, but if you are rejected, it is a double slap in the face.

Why do people get rejected? Well, Eharmony is a straight people only site, so if you don’t fit that mold, forget about it (FYI Mypartnerperfect.com just launched as the new premier matchmaking and relationship site for gay men). They also have an issue with people who have had multiple divorces, and there are several other factors that seems almost arbitrary. The point is that if you get in, it is because they feel that you are motivated enough to find a relationship, that you will be willing to choose from the people their computer selects for you.

Now, I don’t know about you, but I trust my guy more than a machine’s. I use Match.com because I can use their search tools to narrowly define what I want in a mate and I can then decide who I want to contact. With Eharmony, you have to take what they give you. Most of the times this means compromising on some of your biggest relationship goals. Even worse, some clients receive as little as one potential match a week. For my $50 dollars a month, those pickings are just too slim!

If you saw yesterday’s news, you know that Eharmony is being sued for discriminating against their applicants. Between this and the negative experiences that my clients have related to me, I just can’t see the point in a site like this. So here’s my advice:

Find a site with a good size population. Match and Yahoo are the biggest for general dating and relationships, JDate is the best for Jewish Dating, ChristianCafe is tops for Christians… Write a profile (if you need help just go to ProfileHelper.com) and then use the great search tools these sites give you to find someone who feels right to you. Don’t let a computer tell you what you want. Don’t take the blue pill. Until you do, you’ll never know about all the great singles that you aren’t meeting.

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